As I get closer and closer to the baby's due date, I reflect on the past four and a half years and feel so blessed to have this baby growing inside of me.
I often think of how so many people tried to comfort me in the pain of infertility and tell me that I'm not missing anything.
To be honest and not to hurt anyone's feelings but I know for a fact that I would be missing out on the greatest feeling of all. I love feeling this baby inside of me. Even in the uncomfortable heat, not fitting in my own clothes, even anticipating labor and knowing that in a heartbeat, i would do this again.
When people say, "you deserve to have an easy pregnancy", I often say yes, I know, I do. But I just feel that in general if it wasn't for infertility I would not take all these precious moments to capture and treasure all the moments I've been able to share with Robert
I also feel that God has given this opportunity for me to meet very strong women of faith on HP and to offer my testimony.
There are still many times that comments are made about when i'll have another and I have to not take things so seriously as even though I'm pregnant, I still have feelings that Infertility has branded these deep feelings into my thoughts and heart. I don't think this is so much a negative but a positive reflection of what God has given us.
I remember reading many women's miracles on HP and first time pregnancy's with IVF and wondering "God why can't this happen to me" I felt that time was standing still and that I could never make it into the "mommy club". I often felt like I was being judged by other Christians who didn't have a clue about infertility and felt so much peace with those that I have been able to get to know through HP. Also my friends sally and Amy who provided positive counsel for God's direction.
Ultimatly I feel like I've learned not to judge other people and to pray rather than gossip or pass judement when I felt people were not following God's plan.
Still I know some great women who are childless and long to be pregnant and have a hard time understanding in human terms that God may never provide a pregnancy for a woman devoted to God. I sometimes feel that maybe I didn't suffer enough compared to other women dealing with Infertility.
I really know that God is working through me now and forever. He has given me a terrific husband and I can't wait to meet this little person inside me.