Happy new Year
ok, so it's 630pm and I have absolutly no plans tonight. Robert and I are sitting home today. I guess just as usual. We were supposed to go camping but then our friends cancelled at the last minute. Oh well, it gives me a moment to reflect on this last year.

I feel that this year was such a blur. Also it was a time that I grew as a Christian. I still have those moments that I fall. I still have those times that I feel sorry for myself. I still sometimes question God's plan for my life as I sit and wait. In the end, I truly know that His plans are beyond what I can comprehend.

The year started bad with us dealing with another failed IVF #3 from December 2005. As Robert consolled me during this loss he also had to deal with the loss of a co-worker who had shot himself a few days before the Broncos played the Patriots in the playoffs. I say this because Josh was a huge Broncos fan. He had worked with Robert a few years at Rocky Mtn water and then went on with working at other jobs when Sparkletts bought out RM water. I remembered thinking that something terrible must have happened that day because it had been years that the Broncos made it to the playoffs. To most people that sounds odd but I think of how excited Robert was about the Steelers and how much he looked forward to watching the games. I'm sure Josh felt similar feelings except was dealing with some heavy issues of possibly infidelity with his wife. I'm not sure as details were not given. This hit Robert hard and I could see how he felt a little responsible as some of us would for not reaching out sooner.
We buried our sadness into cheering for our beloved Steelers who went on a mad streak and made it all the way into the Superbowl and won. It was the best medicine as I had to live with this for 10 years since keeping Robert from watching the Steelers play the Cowboys in the 1996 Superbowl.

This year Robert and I did get pregnant but for a few days. It was hardly magical as I was didn't even feel pregnant. I remember lying there thinking "am I really pregnant?". As quickly as we heard that we had a number this time, the number quickly faded and for the first time I felt like maybe this might work. This has been the most challenging years I have faced in my life and it at times feels like your I'm all alone in this. If it wasn't for Robert, I'm sure that I would for sure give into depression and how easy it would be for me to stay home from work, sleep all day long and drink. I know that God has bigger things for me to do and I cannot go backwards, I must go forward and wait for Him to guide us.

When I think of new Years resolutions I can't help but think what December 31, 2007 will look like. I used to write a Christmas letter with my cards that went out every year. After about 2 years ago, I just felt like there wasn't anything new to say. Every year I would say, hmmm maybe we'll have a baby in our Christmas photo. Now, I finally just decided to send out a picture and not have to explain why it's still just Robert and I. Every once in awhile, I still get the comment on someone's card asking if there are any plans for children. Not exactly put that way but I know people probably wonder.

Ok, so my New Years resolution will be to become more organized with bills and keeping everything together monthly.
Secondly, work towards saving for travel, cushion for the investment property, relocation, adoption, Christmas savings.
Thirdly, I have to say this, at least lose 20 pounds. That's being generous. I would love to say 40-50 pounds but I do have to be realistic.

Several things weighing my mind for the above to happen are the sale of our property in Santa Clarita. I haven't hit panic mode yet. We are nearing over 7 months on the market. I didn't expect that much in the last 2 months. My fear is to lower the price anymore than what it is at this time. I would love to be able to invest property and be able to live the simple life of both Robert and I working part time. I laugh when we start talking about living in Pittsburgh. Yes, it would be partly because of our favorite team the Steelers but the prices of homes are truly in the price where we could invest our money in and not have a mortgage. Can we live in snow??? That is the second question. It is really just a dream and not so much realistic. But who knows.
I am writing this because I do expect that next year i'll be reading this and laughing.

We have a tenant right now that is not working and my hope is that we can stick it out for a few more months. I absolutly don't want to kick them out as this would mean no rent and for now, we are ok.

I'm also hoping that my raise next year will give me that cushion to be able to cut my hours to at least 4 days a week.

I feel like we belong to a great church. The only thing is that we are not very involved. I do like doing the greeting team but I feel like the small groups are really hard to participate in when we work such long hours.

I love being a couch potato as well as Robert and I know this luxury has kept us from becoming involved with people our own age. Part of it is because we don't feel like we can relate to other couples our age because we don't have kids. The other is that we feel comfortable. I guess that's why we are by ourselves tonight. I don't mind it so much as being party poopers is more our thing that party people!

Well the day ended with the Steelers winning their last game today to keep the Bengals out of the playoffs. They finished their record 8-8. They celebrated today as if they were in the playoffs, it was kind of fun to watch.
Also the Chragers have clinched the home field advantage for the playoffs. It could be their year. I arranged for 6 of our patients to be guests of L.T. It was very magical for some of them I can imagine. I hope to hear their stories that will last a lifetime.
I also lost a close patient this year from Lupus. She was a sweet girl 18 years old and had her whole life to live. I will remember her forever. Two more patients died later this year of possibly similar diagnosis.
I pray for this next year to be one that I can be proud of. I look at this year and I don't see a person that is very optimistic or inspiring. I am a very boring person in that my life consists of work, coming home, tv and church--very much of a routine, which is soooo me! I don't have many friendships and I'm not bothered by it. My husband is my best friend and he is my rock.
I pray that my testimony and ministry to others can lead someone to Christ this year. I pray that the way I live my life will only inspire others to want to know Christ as their Saviour.
Thank you so much God for my family, my husband, my friends, my church, my job, all the things i have like a roof over my head, my car, my tv, my couch, my computer, my dog; I know that this sounds silly but it is really God's and not mine.
I pray for a safe and healthy 2007. Thank you God for another year with everyone that I love.
Esther